A New Day

Hi, I’m knbyo. I used to be an active figure in the fighting game community, being a player, streamer and tournament organiser going by the handle of Sleepmode. At the end of 2024, I got myself wrapped up in some personal drama that did not need my involvement, and as a result I did some stupid shit for what I still believe to be some very good reasons. However, because the stupidity of the shit I did outweighed the reasons I did it for, it caused me to very abruptly leave the fighting game space, eventually rebrand and spend some time reflecting and recovering.

The rest of this will be words I’ve already written, but they’re part of a Google doc that frankly no one needs to be looking at. If you know, you know and probably just want to move on. If you don’t know, it’s not worth your time, but please feel free to contact me if you have questions or need clarification from me. My impression from hanging with people from my local scene is that most people don’t know or don’t care about what happened and are happy to have me around. I’m writing this so I can be completely honest about my feelings on what happened and what I did, and leave this behind me. If you’re still trying to use this as ammo in a shit-slinging contest, please have some self-respect and hang it up. Everyone already had to watch me make a fool of myself, it’s poor form to make them see that sort of thing again.

I’m returning to this after a good half a year or so to try and engage in a little self-reflection. I’ve had enough time to think about what happened, how I acted, and where I think I fucked up. So let’s reflect on that.

Up top, I will say that I do not regret standing up for my friends. At the time, I had good reason to believe that, aside from the age gap, nothing improper or otherwise concerning was happening, and I still believe that to be true. However, I recognise that the context which informs my assessment is context that only I could ever have really had, and while I am upset that people I thought were close to me did not trust my judgment, I really can’t blame anyone on the outside looking in for not being able to see what I saw, especially given how badly I communicated it.

And that brings me to my first regret: I acted extremely rashly, and that damaged both myself and the people I was trying to stand up for. There are a few reasons for this which aren’t worth getting into, but the most important reason is that my actions brought a whole bunch of unnecessary and frankly harmful attention to a situation which needed significantly less eyes on it. I criticised Marcy and JD for trying to forcefully insert themselves into Kris and Amber’s personal lives, but I would be remiss in not also levying that criticism at myself - in attempting to stand up for them in the way that I did, I turned myself into the arbiter of their personal affairs, which only played into the idea that I’m either a stooge or someone with a malicious agenda - neither of which is true, but both of which certainly appeared to be the case depending on how you saw it. Put simply, I tried and failed to stick up for my friends in a bad situation. My word that I was acting with the best of intentions is admittedly not worth much at all, but you have my word all the same. The road to hell and all that.

My other regret is the way I represented my position. In my impatience to defend myself and my friends, I inadvertently ended up acting as though it was ridiculous for anyone to even be concerned about an age gap at all. Again, this was not my intent, but it is nevertheless what happened, and for that I do sincerely apologise. If a large age gap between two people who present as a couple causes you some level of concern, then that is a completely normal and rational response and no one in their right mind would try to tell you that kind of thing is not worth at least some careful observation. In this instance, I clearly came across as someone who did try to say that scrutiny was unjustified, and for that I am truly sorry. Also, not for nothing, but I will gladly admit that moving to ban Marcy and JD as hastily as I did was poor form, and frankly, threatening to get lawyers involved was maybe the single most bone-headed thing I’ve ever done in my life, especially since we all knew it was never going to happen.

If I had to summarise my feelings on how everything went down, I would say that I stand by my motivations, but not my actions. Irrespective of my position or feelings on the matter, actually handling a situation like that while being in the position I was in required a steady hand and a level head, neither of which I was able to bring to it, and that not only resulted in the trashing of my reputation, it brought my friends down with me. I exacerbated personal drama by drawing it to the attention of the broader fighting game scene, and especially the Australian Guilty Gear +R scene. Moreover, as I was also a tournament organiser for CouchWarriors QLD at the time, I quite frankly made them look bad. I still believe that I was more deserving of a harsher ultimatum than what I got (and I certainly believe that my reprimanding was far more justified than Amber’s in the circumstances), but that’s a separate discussion. For now, you have my unreserved admission that I fucked up and made things worse for everyone.

Some final remarks. Firstly, this is an apology to Kris, Amber and the other members of the former organisation which called itself TO’s Best Friend. I acted impulsively and effectively destroyed any chances you all had at building something special. This is also an apology to the Brisbane and Australian fighting game scene as a whole - I was in a position of relative trust and authority, and despite my best intentions, I did not act in a way becoming of that trust and authority. You all have my deepest and most sincere apologies.

I write this purely to clear the air. I’m not asking to have my former position in the scene restored, and I have no intent to try and re-enter the scene on that basis, nor do I want to go anywhere I’m not wanted. I’m not really even asking for forgiveness, to whatever extent that might be warranted. I just want to be emotionally and intellectually honest about what caused me to exit the fighting game space and the ways in which I now recognise I brought that on myself, and how that also brought misfortune on others. If you’ve read this far, thank you. Be easy.